Pizza Jokes

On this page we have just a few fun-filled pizza jokes to brighten your day. Not only does pizza provide great eating entertainment, there are a few jokes you might find humorous.

How To Order A Pizza By Phone

 
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
 
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
 
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
 
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
 
Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
 
Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
 
If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
 
Ask if you can rent a pizza.
 
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sign of relief.
 
Ask to have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
 
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
 
Tell them to double-check to make sure you pizza is in fact, dead.
 
Play a sitar in the background.
 
Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if they deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
 
Ask to see a menu.
 
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
 
Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
 
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
 
Psychoanalyze the order taker.
 
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
 
Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting!"
 
Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
 
Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
 
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
 
Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
 
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
 
If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
 
Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry.
 
Say "Ksssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
 
Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
 
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
 
Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
 
Put them on hold.
 
Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
 
Order a one-inch pizza.
 
Order term life insurance.
 
Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
 
Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
 
Order a steamed pizza.
 
Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say. "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

Q. How do you fix a broken pizza?
A. With tomato paste.
 
Q: What do you call a person that can drink soda and sing at the same time?
A: A pop singer!
 
Q: What do you have when you eat 4 pieces of cake and 6 pieces of pizza, all in one meal?
A: A tummy ache!
 
Once a scrambled egg walked into Aurelio’s Pizza. He asked the waiter if he could have something to drink. The waiter said "Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast."
 
Q: What does an aardvark like on its pizza?
A: Ant-chovies.

 
A Mushroom goes to a dance and walks up to a girl and asks her to dance.
"I'm not dancing with you" she replies.
"Aw, come on..." the mushroom says.
"Why not? I'm a fungi!" (fun guy)

American Business Man

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man,

''What the heck did you put on this pizza?''

The delivery man bows deeply and says, ''We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.''

Tip the pizza delivery boy
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

Funny Pizza Stories

A central banker walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get it. There a clerk asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The central banker replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."
FBI Pizza

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so.
Agent: Click!

Hopefully some of these pizza jokes found your funny bone!